my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
