you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
