So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
