all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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