In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize