Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
