I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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