I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
