Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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