why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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