:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize