i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize