can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
