I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
