Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
