I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
