The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Dicks are not precious.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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