Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I need moral support for this bender
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
