literally had 100 drinks last night.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
