i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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