How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Liz is crying about burritos again.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize