Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
