It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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