Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
only you would photoshop your dick
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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