Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
