So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
