Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
