I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
