guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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