dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
as a side note pls kill me
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
