I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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