there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
