I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
