Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
