i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
