I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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