There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
