i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
