i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
