i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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