I got chris browned last night
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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