Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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