Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
