yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
