I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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