Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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