Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
