I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
