Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
