why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
