she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
