Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
