There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
