you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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