I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
40s are totally the cure
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
