All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
