I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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