The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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