just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
