Bisexual people are plain selfish.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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