It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
