I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
The adults are the big ones right?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
