I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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