Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize