just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
