A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
